Tuesday, March 05, 2013

About the meaning of life

Héloïse – You don’t believe in God.
J. – I wish He existed. Never heard from Him.
Héloïse - You don’t believe in Love either.
J. – I did, some time ago. I lost sight of it.
Héloïse - But you did, you know it exists.
J. - I did. But after a while I started to think that our beliefs about reality are presumably born from some kind of hallucination.
Héloïse– I thought you loved me.
J. – Hmmm. Who are you? You are beautiful, I love your face, I love your eyes, but I don’t know you. I will not be your slave.
Héloïse – You are so funny.
J.- Am I? 
Héloïse– In a way. Sometimes. When you refuse talking to me.
J. - I am talking to you. Whoever you are. 
Héloïse- Last night you told me that you were in love with me. You said that you loved me very much. 
J. - Did I? It happens sometimes that I lose control of my mind. It’s scaring. Someone that is not really me starts talking in my name. Nothing I can do about it. To be honest, I got used to that. Human imperfection.
Héloïse– And did that bizarre being inside your body or your mind or whatever you mean felt the need to tell me that he loves me?
J. – You should ask him, not me.
Héloïse- Where is he?
J.- Have no idea.
Héloïse- Keep the message and forward it to him whenever you see him. You fool. 
J.- I never see him. He just talks from nowhere. I hear his voice but I can’t see him. That's the problem.
Héloïse- Why do you think he behaves that way? Hiding his face, talking without showing any respect for yourself?
J.- Respect? Oh, yes, let’s talk about respect. I love talking about respect. I saw you yesterday downtown and you didn’t even look at me.   
Héloïse - I was not downtown yesterday. What are you talking about? 
J. – You were not? Then it was maybe your double. Your double was walking on State Street with a man. Like me you may have a double too.
Héloïse- Joseph, stop this game. I can’t stand it anymore. And I don't like it. 
J. - Is this a game? Then everything is a game, life itself is no more than a stupid game.
Héloïse - Why is it so stupid? Life is good. I enjoy my life.
J. - You enjoy your life because you are not aware of what’s going on.
Héloïse - You tell me what’s going on. I’m curious. Brrr! 
J. - I told you: it’s a game.
Héloïse - OK, it’s a game. And so what?
J. - The problem with this game is that even when you win you always lose. So, it’s a very disturbing game. If it were a real game the chances of winning would be there. They are not.
Héloïse- Joseph, I hate you. I’m tired. Get back to reality, please. I can’t stand it. 
J. - You don’t see me when you walk on the streets or are sitting in a café reading your books. It happened twice at least. You totally ignored me. Yesterday I was waiting for you, then I saw you coming.
Héloïse - Stop, please. I beg you. It's not funny anymore.
J. - But you were not alone and you kept your eyes fixed on the ground, you preferred not to see me. Why did you do that? Why do people do that? You don't like me.
Héloïse - Yesterday and before yesterday we spent the day and the night together. We were together all the time. We had dinner at a restaurant in Montecito and then we returned home together.  Did you forget?
J. - Really? What a good excuse indeed. Are you sure that it was me? 
Héloïse - Bullshit, Joseph. Why are you inventing a plot that is pure nonsense? I never avoided seeing you. What is this conversation about? At first I thought we were just joking. Now I don't know what to think. Are you so bored today?
J.- Me bored? Never. You should know me better.
Héloïse- What’s wrong with you, Joseph? You are in a very bad humor, it seems. What did I do to you? Hug me, please, kiss me.
J.- Hmmm... We will see what I can do. Later, not now. Please.
Héloïse - Joseph! I am losing my patience.
J.- Don't, it's not worth it.
Héloïse - Kiss me.
J.- Would a kiss solve your problem? I can do it.
Héloïse - Then do it and stop all this craziness.
J.- A kiss may be of some help to you. Not sure that it will help me in any way.  
Héloïse - And what is that big problem of yours that cannot be helped by a kiss? Helped by love, let’s call it what it is.
J.- I don’t believe in love. And I don't know who you are. 
Héloïse - Yesterday and before yesterday you believed in love though.
J.- I told you: sometimes there is a guy inside me that speaks at my place, acts at my place. I cannot feel responsible for what he does. 
Héloïse– I am leaving. Ciao. Have a good evening.
J. - Don’t, please. Come here.
Héloïse - You have two seconds to kiss me. Not sure that I will stay longer.
J. - Hmmmm...  OK, I know, there is no solution to loneliness. Is there any reasonable solution at all  to this shit we call life?
Héloïse - Don't start again, Joseph, you are boring.
J.- No, I will not. And since you insist, let’s give it a try. Give me a good kiss. And hug me, I think I like it. Will you also forgive me for being unbearable? Who knows, maybe things will get better afterwards.
Héloïse - You should be ashamed of yourself. You behave like a spoiled child. 
J. - I am ashamed. No more comments, Héloïse. I will explain later. Let's go now, the concert at the Granada theater starts soon and there is a lot of trafic on the freeway at this hour. I never saw Anne-Sophie Mutter play live, I am very curious. Did Karajan love her or he just admired her talent?

(J. E. Soice)

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